Political Humor: Quotes from Presidential Candidates

I first wrote this about the two major candidates for the 2008 Presidency run and have now updated it for the 2012 campaign.

Candidates for president unknowingly make a lot of funny quotes.I know in this politically charged atmosphere ,and with all the other troubles in the world today, such as , the N. Korean Nuclear threat, "The Middle East War", the collapse of our financial system, we Americans do need some comic relief.

Don't get me wrong; I do think that all that is going on in the world and our own backyards is not to be taken lightly. But , honestly, it's unhealthy to be constantly "on guard".

I've decided to lighten the mood, by poking fun at our political leaders. McCain and Obama ran in 2008 and gave us some funny material from their campaigns. I've updated this hub and added some memorable statements form the major GOP candidates as well.

The following are some quotes and cliches' I located in print, on television and the Internet said by the present and some former Presidential candidates. It may give us some insights into their psyches, anyway. Some are not so funny as they are amusing and a little shocking.

Mitt Romney has made some odd and funny quotes during the campaign so far. He is a Republican candidate for the Presidential election for November 4, 2012.

I've located some quotations from Mitt that will sway you one way or the other.

"I like being able to fire people who provide services to me."

"I should tell my story. I'm also unemployed."

"PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air."

"I'm running for office for Pete's sake, we can't have illegals"

''Corporations are people, my friend... of course they are. Everything corporations earn ultimately goes to the people. Where do you think it goes? Whose pockets? Whose pockets? People's pockets. Human beings, my friend.''

Michelle Bachman was the only female GOP candidate running for the president's job and I found some memorable quotes from her as followed.

''Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.''

''Death panels are the bureaucracies that President Obama is establishing where bureaucrats will make the decision on who gets health care and how much.''

''If we took away the minimum wage -- if conceivably it was gone -- we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level.''

Rick Santorium had dropped out of the presidential race recently but before that,he had said some odd statements that will probably be talked about for many years.

"One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country.... Many of the Christian faith have said, well, that's okay, contraception is okay. It's not okay. It's a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be."

"I don't want to make black people's lives better by giving them somebody else's money; I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money."

"The question is — and this is what Barack Obama didn't want to answer — is that human life a person under the Constitution? And Barack Obama says no. Well if that person — human life is not a person, then — I find it almost remarkable for a black man to say, 'We're going to decide who are people and who are not people.'"

Herman Cain has the only minority candidate to run for the highest office of the land and former president of a major corporation called Godfather's Pizza. He dropped out early in his bid for the GOP nominations after several women came out with sexual harassment accusations. Here are a few gems from his speeches.

''It's going to be 20 feet high. It's going to have barbed wire on the top. It's going to be electrified. And there's going to be a sign on the other side saying, 'It will kill you — Warning.'''

''I'm ready for the 'gotcha' questions and they're already starting to come. And when they ask me who is the president of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan I'm going to say, you know, I don't know. Do you know?''

"Engage the people. Don't try to pass a 2,700 page bill – and even they didn't read it! You and I didn't have time to read it. We’re too busy trying to live – send our kids to school. That's why I am only going to allow small bills – three pages. You’ll have time to read that one over the dinner table. What does Herman Cain, President Cain talking about in this particular bill?"

Newt Gingrich is no stranger to politics and has been in the arena for many years. He knows all about Washington politics and has had a colorful personal life.

"I have two grandchildren – Maggie is 11, Robert is 9. I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the struggle over the nature of America, by the time they're my age they will be in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists and with no understanding of what it once meant to be an American."

"There's no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate."

Rick Perry, governor of Texas, is best known for threatening to secede his state from the rest of the country. He also ran for the presidential race under the GOP and dropped out. Some memorable statements from him are:

"Texas is a unique place. When we came in the union in 1845, one of the issues was that we would be able to leave if we decided to do that. You know, my hope is that America and Washington in particular pays attention. We've got a great union. There is absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, you know, who knows what may come out of that?"

"I will tell you: It's three agencies of government, when I get there, that are gone: Commerce, Education and the -- what's the third one there? Let's see. ... OK. So Commerce, Education and the -- ... The third agency of government I would -- I would do away with the Education, the ... Commerce and -- let's see -- I can't. The third one, I can't. Sorry. Oops."

Ron Paul is senator from Texas ,who seems to be an enigma and shunned by the other candidates. The media and late-night comedians mock him and describe him as a dotterig old fool. he has made some brow raising statements and here are some recent ones.

The notion of a rigid separation between church and state has no basis in either the text of the Constitution or the writings of our Founding Fathers. On the contrary, our Founders’ political views were strongly informed by their religious beliefs. — Ron Paul

"Given the inefficiencies of what DC laughingly calls the criminal justice system, I think we can safely assume that 95 percent of the black males in that city are semi-criminal or entirely criminal."

Here's an older video of Ron Paul backing the Hamas.

Obamaisms

Barack Obama ran a hard race in 2008 and along the way,said some interesting things that some of us printed.Here are a few.

"Yesterday, John McCain actually said that if he's president that he'll take on, and I quote, 'the old boys network in Washington.' Now I'm not making this up. This is somebody who's been in Congress for twenty-six years, who put seven of the most powerful Washington lobbyists in charge of his campaign.

And now he tells us that he's the one who's gonna' to take on the old boys network. The old boys network? In the McCain campaign that's called a staff meeting. Come, on!"

I've got two daughters. 9 years old and 6 years old. I am going to teach them first of all about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby.

"Look, when I was a kid, I inhaled frequently. That was the point."

On the controversial Ukraine election: "Well, President Bush said he wanted to export American-style democracy and, by God, I think it's working."

"It's been a great ride. But I know how quickly these fads can pass. You all remember the pet rock, the mood ring, Howard Dean."

"Now that's my phone buzzing there. I don't want you to think I'm getting fresh or anything." --posing for a picture with supporters in Indiana, when he apparently felt his phone start to vibrate in his pocket, against which one woman was closely pressed

"On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes-- and I see many of them in the audience here today -- our sense of patriotismis particularly strong."

John McCain ran for President under the GOP party. He was a Viet Nam hero and senator from Arizona but made some unforgettable gaffes.

"Thanks for the question, you little jerk." -- John McCain, after being asked by a high school student if he was too old to be president. For good measure, McCain then threatened to draft him.

"Washington is a Hollywood for ugly people. Hollywood is a Washington for the simple minded."

But please know, whether you believe campaign contributions are speech or property, that

I learned to love very dearly the right of free expression when I lived without that freedom

for a while a long time ago. On the subject of Osama bin Laden... we will track him down.

We will capture him. We will bring him to justice, and I will follow him to the gates of hell.

Remember the words of Chairman Mao: 'It's always darkest before it's totally black"

"It's easy for me to go to Washington and, frankly, be somewhat divorced from the day-to-day challenges people have."

"I was concerned about a couple of steps that the Russian government took in the last several days., One was reducing the energy supplies to Czechoslovakia."

"I will conduct a respectful debate. Now, it will be dispirited -- it will be spirited --because there are stark differences. I am a proud conservative, liberal Republican"

"Only an a**hole would put together a budget like this ... I wouldn't call you an a**hole unless you really were an a**hole."

Anyone running for a political office is fair game and if they speak in public or give interviews, then they can be quoted.

Many candidates think the public is short sighted and won't remember some bad behavior from the past. Some of that behavior comes back to bit them on the butt.

Many have newsletters published with racist and sexist views that they deny once campaigning.

People are watching and waiting for something to publish. I've printed funny and some shocking quotes from the candidates I think they wish were never heard.

The 2008 race was tough and the 2012 race is heating up. Watch and listen to what they say in public. Someone behind the scenes will be listening and waiting to print a funny,odd or shocking quote.